You Are the Parent. So – Be One!

This article is about a little girl who insisted she was a boy. The article says “Despite her room being painted pink and being dressed in girly outfits, her parents said she preferred masculine toys and activities.”

(As did many of us girls)

So, the parents “…cut off their infant’s long hair, bought new clothes and started referring to Ryland as a male…”

The child is now 6, but began this assertion at 12 months old. They began the ‘transition’ when she was a toddler. The video of the transition can be seen here, but I warn – it’s quite emotional to watch, regardless of where you stand on the issue.

My initial thoughts, while watching the video, were that you don’t allow your child’s assertions to dictate your life – or theirs. Your assertions should outweigh theirs, but it does occur to me that since I’ve never had to deal with that, it may not be that easy… Nothing is as a parent. But when your daughter insists that she is a boy – 50 times, you correct them 51.

Then the part about it being a phase and the parents saying “But phases end…” insinuating that hers didn’t. This is true, but when you constantly give in to the ‘phase’, allowing the wanting of boy toys and clothes to win out, you’re encouraging the phase and it’s either not going to end or it’s going to take a LOT longer to end…

And now that they have allowed her to stand in front of a crowd, announce it, receive an award for it and get accolades from a crowd because of the decision she made… It’s going to be a LOT harder for her to let go of the ‘phase’.

And my heart breaks for them when their child said “Why did God make me this way?”, but guess what…? ALL kids say that about something! My sons have said the exact thing about themselves in reference to different things about their personalities, likes, dislikes, etc. I used to ask why and cry ALL THE TIME over why God made me ‘fat’. I hated it. I didn’t think it was fair. I didn’t want to be fat! Which, I really wasn’t, but that’s a WHOLE other story…

If a child this young is able to assert that their ‘sex’ is something other than what their sex is – because in their minds they aren’t what they’re born as — and parents are encouraged to give way to the child that insists they ‘want’ to be the opposite sex…

Where does it this end? Where does parenting begin? When does it go from “Good parenting” for letting their child choose to “enabling” their child? Or bad parenting for not stepping in and offering correction?

Should parents put their children on a diet or get them surgery when they think they’re fat? Should a parent get contacts for the child who doesn’t like the color of their eyes? Or the child with Apotemnophilia? Should they have their child’s limb amputated?

Why is it good parenting to listen to the child on what sex they want to be, but bad parenting – enough so that you lose custody of your children – when you allow them to get a tattoo?

There are many who will say “I was a tomboy too!” or “I once insisted I was a boy/girl when I was little” or “My kid thought he was a turtle when he was little…” and I hear what you’re saying, but for me, personally – there is something FAR more problematic…

Let me explain.

We were all born in sin, shaped in iniquity, and came into the world speaking lies. (Psalm 51:5, Psalm 58:3) It’s why we are all born with a sin nature. Some of us struggle with lying. Some struggle with stealing, some struggle with addiction or addictive behavior. Some struggle with much harder things. Those who want to hurt others, murder, rape. There are those who struggle sexually, homosexuality, bestiality, pedophilia, etc.

In this nation, we, as a whole, have accepted homosexuality as an orientation one is born with or ‘as’ and not a lifestyle choice. Or, ‘God made me this way’ so we should be okay with it rather than viewing it as something that we must overcome. It’s one of those morally wrong things that – legally – is normal or okay. (There are others, but hang in there and travel with me in this thought process…)

I’ve said – for a long time – that when we give way to “God made me this way, so it’s okay.” it opens up a huge can of worms because, soon, it’s going to be followed with other things one is born with, or ‘as’.

God made us all the same, aside from male and female. Anything else is what the Deceiver has burdened us with – that we must overcome. It’s much harder for some of us than others…

So, soon we are going to be faced with other things people are born ‘as’. (Maybe not in our lifetime, but it’s coming.) This is a huge problem because what follows closely after homosexuality is pedophilia.

If you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not. There are studies suggesting it is an orientation and movements fighting for them to be recognized and legalized as such.

The argument, from those who are pro-homosexuality, but -obviously- not okay with the pedophilia movement, is “But two consenting adults is not hurting anyone.” They insist that a child cannot consent to sexual contact or a sexual encounter and therefor, it can never be legal. This has always made sense to me, but still – there in the back of my mind – I’ve thought that somehow, some way, it’s going to come to the forefront of the fight and no longer be in the back alleys or the proverbial ‘bath houses’ as homosexuality was in the 80s.

So, then I come across the above mentioned article about the transgendered little girl and the video her parents made of ‘her’ conversion to ‘him’. My initial thoughts, mentioned above, gave way to something FAR more scary.

If a child is able to ‘consent’ to ‘becoming’ the opposite sex, what says they can’t ‘consent’ to ‘having’ sex?

If we’re supposed to give the child what they want when they say they want to be the opposite sex, what stops a pedophile from giving a child what they say they want – or – at least claiming that’s what they want…?

And what about 14, 15, or 16 year olds? Why do we not give them what they want? A 6 year old can insist she is a boy and, as parents, we’re commended for honoring her wishes by allowing her to become/live as a boy.  But when our 15 year old daughter insists she willingly had sex with her 20 year old boyfriend, we’re horrible parents for not having him arrested.

I don’t mean to make this sound glib. If I am, I apologize, but where do we draw the line?

As parents we are there to guide, shape and mold our children. We’re there to show them how to live, be, act and function in society. If we are women, we’re supposed to show our daughter what that means and men are supposed to show their sons. Women are also supposed to show their sons what womanhood means and vice versa for dads.

We’re not supposed to let our children always have their way. When we do, people say we spoil our children, or we’re bad parents. We’re supposed to know which things a child can decide and which they can’t. You pick your battles. The minor ones, you let go. The major ones, you hold your ground. It’s your job as the ADULT.

Once they are grown and leave your home, you hope – no pray –  you did your best, but THEN is when they get to decide. Until then, you decide for them – no matter how much they hate you. No matter how much they don’t understand why they’re burdened with whatever it is burdening them (this week). You stand your ground.

It’s your job. Period.

 

I can’t prove you wrong, so I’ll just insult you instead…

As most of … well, probably all of you, know – I love a good debate or discussion.

I don’t care one bit for people who resort to name calling and insulting, but this day an age most ‘adults’ are unable to have a discussion without insulting the person they disagree with. Usually, at that point, I lose all interest and move on.

Today I discovered that there’s a loathsome debate tactic that I despise even more… Assumptions and condescension…

People, who know nothing about you – nothing – form an opinion of you based on nothing more than words on a screen. If you make a typo, you’re stupid and uneducated. If you disagree with their opinion, you’re doing so because of biased information you got from some source they despise. If you have a certain set of beliefs or way of doing things, you were raised by bigoted parents.

Heaven for bid someone learns I’m from the south. As soon as they do, I’m automatically a neo-nazi white supremacist who wants to bring back slavery…

And why do they say and think those things? … Because I disagree with their position on whatever hot topic is in the news.

Recently I had an encounter with a vile human being. It was on my favorite topic though – guns.

A woman, who we’ll refer to as “Kay”, left a comment on Joe the Plumber’s page about how America has more gun deaths than any other country and she didn’t get how people could say that more guns mean less crime.

I, probably, could have easily just moved along from that comment, but she said she’d like to know how that can be. So, I answered her. I said:

“If you’d truly like to know how, I can explain it to you – but I don’t think you do. …The answer is in your own words when you said “there have been 12,042 gun deaths in America” – key word ‘GUN’…

In nations where guns were outlawed, murder, homicide, suicide, etc all went up – they just used something other than a gun… “

Someone read my reply and indicated they were genuinely interested in my sources for that information – so I shared some links. Well, this, apparently, did not sit too well with Kay…

The links I’d shared had been truncated, so they didn’t work right at first. Kay attacked that – which was ludicrous – but whatever makes you feel better… – I guess.

It was her next comment that was astounding to me… She said:

“I am a Veteran, I am a Correctional veteran, I am a Law Enforcement Veteran so little girl if you think you are ‘schooling’ anyone I have a big surprise for you sister. First off your ability to copy and paste links from a Reich wing web site is commendable but do you actually have a factual defensible position to take? NO? Didn’t think so. Second did you intent to use links that work from you commendable ability to aptly demonstrate you are willing to be lead around by a nose ring regurgitating things you likely haven’t bothered to read but again, found on your NRA happy gunz gunz gunz web site. Do you even know what the SCOTUS cases are I quoted? I sincerely doubt it so when you put on your training bra to bud a pair I suggest you do some research first (no baby girl it really isn’t a bad word). So lets see your actual opinion, factually supported from unbiased sources. Go ahead little Muppet.. I dare you. (HINT Nation master uses sources globally it isn’t limited to the U. S. I’d avoid it since it isn’t verified or did you think the second amendment applies globally? I am betting you failed Geography.)“

Apparently, being a Law Enforcement Veteran turns people into things that only resemble people. It must have, clearly, made her a walking encyclopedia for gun stats and information – including Geography, but it also turned her into a very vile, twisted and bitter human being. Well, that probably wasn’t what did it, but the point is the same: This lady is angry.

It’s sad really.

Honestly, my first thought – after reading it – was “Did I just read what I think I read? … Yeah, I did…” and then I had this reaction:

This morning, when my husband got up to get ready for work, I read to him what she said. His response was a bit of a sigh and a “H’oh boy.”

This is not a topic in which I ‘play’. He knows it. Everyone knows it. Well, she didn’t… didn’t…

And the “do you actually have a factual defensible position to take? NO? Didn’t think so.” remark…

Really? I mean, really…?

She knows nothing about me, what I know, don’t know, read, watch, study or do for fun. And she has clearly never seen me or she’d know how completely wrong and misguided the “put on your training bra to bud a pair” remark was. Yeah, I get it. Her point was to insult, doesn’t matter if it’s true – but sheesh…. At least insult something that can’t be refuted. I had a breast reduction surgery and I’m still well … top heavy… for goodness sake.

On this particular topic, she challenged the wrong Muppet…

Here’s the thing – why’d she reply in the hateful, condescending manner in which she did? See, I thought about that for a little while and came to a conclusion…

She was angry that she’d been proven wrong and was attempting to intimidate me into not responding.

It didn’t work.

Name calling and insulting is an intellectually dishonest effort to distract from the debate because the one who uses insults is incapable of refuting the facts or logic of their opponent. She, in addition to name calling and insulting, used condescension because she knew she didn’t have a leg to stand on.

I replied, gave her more facts, studies, research documents, etc – however – I doubt it will change anything. In fact, I doubt she’ll even reply. Facts have a way of silencing people…

Especially facts that are backed up with sources and info.

I seriously doubt she’ll respond, but I sort of hope she does because I already know my reply:

“I see your mind is made up and closed so I wouldn’t want to confuse you with any more facts…”

Making Fun and Name Calling

I set personal ‘rules’ for myself. One of those rules is to never make fun of the way someone looks. I say make fun of stupid stuff they say or do, because we’ve ALL done or said stupid stuff, but the way they look should never come into play.

So, for celebrity examples – Make fun of the clothes they choose to wear (Lady Gaga, Madonna). Make fun of their music, or lack of singing ability, or song writing ability (Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift). Make fun of their dumb life choices (Lohan, Miley) – but never fun of their looks. That’s the way God made them to look, so they’re perfect and you are wrong to make fun of them for it.

And even, in some cases, you can take making fun of life choices a bit too far.

I have always taken issue with the jokes that talk about Bieber being a girl – or looking like a girl. LONG before I had Clean Funny Pics or anything, this line of poking fun troubled me.

I don’t know anything that the kid sings, but from what I understand – it leaves a lot to be desired. So, make fun of his music if you want. Lately, he’s made some poor life choices. So, make fun of those too – to a degree, but making fun of the way he looks by calling him gay or saying he’s a girl… That’s wrong.

Calling him a ‘girl’ and making fun of him for that was really driven home for me this past school year.

My son is 13 years old and attends a local home school co-op. It’s very small, about 25 kids attend (in all grades combined) and there’s about 8 in my son’s class. This is the first year he’s schooled outside the home, so it was a bit of an adjustment for him. It wasn’t his first experience with the classroom as he’s participated in other weekly co-ops, special classes offered on the local Air Force Base and some summer programs for fun.

In these cases, and at church, he’s well liked by other kids – usually those younger than he is – and generally gets along well with others.  There was a kid one time, at one of the co-ops who started name calling – which upset him,  and when it escalated – I spoke to the boy’s mother and that was that.

In the last 8 months, things have been far different. I don’t know if it’s the particular co-op he’s in, if it’s this particular group of kids or if he’s changing as he’s getting older, but he’s not blending as well as he once did. In the past, when someone says or does something he doesn’t like, he’s walked away. That’s what we’ve always taught him. He’s having trouble with that now. Mainly because when he walks away, usually from those in his age range, he goes to the younger group of kids – which gathers more ridicule by the kids his age. He’s sort of been at a loss…

Pretty much within the first month at the school, one of the boys began calling him a ‘girl’. This bothered him. We talked with him about the best way to deal with the kid because we aren’t the type of parents that are going to call the school every time our kid comes home upset. We teach our kids how to deal with and handle situations on their own. If that doesn’t work – after many attempts – then we’ll get involved.

Over this school year, it never stopped and only got worse and worse. I could see this was tearing my son down. His spirit has been broken.

This is not okay.

In our home, we goof, cut-up and laugh – a lot. We pick at each other – banter, really. Words like “dipstick”, “ding dong”, and “bone head” are terms of endearment here. This may be confusing to some, but it’s how we’ve always been.

The difference is – if one of us doesn’t care for a particular term one uses in reference to us, we say so and they stop.

He tried that at the school. He asked the boys to stop, explaining he didn’t like it and asked if they could just move on and all be friends. This only made it worse.

Everyday he would come home – somewhat more broken than the day before.

And then the next.

And the next.

Until my son now no longer is the same child as he was before. He smiles less. He laughs less. The banter we once did as a family, we can no longer do because it brings up these hard feelings for him.

I grew up being called fat, stupid and ugly. It’s something I still struggle with and cannot imagine what it must be for Bieber being called a ‘girl’ on a global scale.

So, before making jokes about Beiber being a girl, or that he’s a daughter, not a son, or similar – stop and think about how you’d feel if someone was saying that about your child. Or about you.

When you call or insinuate that Bieber is a girl, you’ve crossed a line there and, in my opinion,  you’re insulting God because Bieber is one of God’s creations – just like you.