This article is about a little girl who insisted she was a boy. The article says “Despite her room being painted pink and being dressed in girly outfits, her parents said she preferred masculine toys and activities.”
(As did many of us girls)
So, the parents “…cut off their infant’s long hair, bought new clothes and started referring to Ryland as a male…”
The child is now 6, but began this assertion at 12 months old. They began the ‘transition’ when she was a toddler. The video of the transition can be seen here, but I warn – it’s quite emotional to watch, regardless of where you stand on the issue.
My initial thoughts, while watching the video, were that you don’t allow your child’s assertions to dictate your life – or theirs. Your assertions should outweigh theirs, but it does occur to me that since I’ve never had to deal with that, it may not be that easy… Nothing is as a parent. But when your daughter insists that she is a boy – 50 times, you correct them 51.
Then the part about it being a phase and the parents saying “But phases end…” insinuating that hers didn’t. This is true, but when you constantly give in to the ‘phase’, allowing the wanting of boy toys and clothes to win out, you’re encouraging the phase and it’s either not going to end or it’s going to take a LOT longer to end…
And now that they have allowed her to stand in front of a crowd, announce it, receive an award for it and get accolades from a crowd because of the decision she made… It’s going to be a LOT harder for her to let go of the ‘phase’.
And my heart breaks for them when their child said “Why did God make me this way?”, but guess what…? ALL kids say that about something! My sons have said the exact thing about themselves in reference to different things about their personalities, likes, dislikes, etc. I used to ask why and cry ALL THE TIME over why God made me ‘fat’. I hated it. I didn’t think it was fair. I didn’t want to be fat! Which, I really wasn’t, but that’s a WHOLE other story…
If a child this young is able to assert that their ‘sex’ is something other than what their sex is – because in their minds they aren’t what they’re born as — and parents are encouraged to give way to the child that insists they ‘want’ to be the opposite sex…
Where does it this end? Where does parenting begin? When does it go from “Good parenting” for letting their child choose to “enabling” their child? Or bad parenting for not stepping in and offering correction?
Should parents put their children on a diet or get them surgery when they think they’re fat? Should a parent get contacts for the child who doesn’t like the color of their eyes? Or the child with Apotemnophilia? Should they have their child’s limb amputated?
Why is it good parenting to listen to the child on what sex they want to be, but bad parenting – enough so that you lose custody of your children – when you allow them to get a tattoo?
There are many who will say “I was a tomboy too!” or “I once insisted I was a boy/girl when I was little” or “My kid thought he was a turtle when he was little…” and I hear what you’re saying, but for me, personally – there is something FAR more problematic…
Let me explain.
We were all born in sin, shaped in iniquity, and came into the world speaking lies. (Psalm 51:5, Psalm 58:3) It’s why we are all born with a sin nature. Some of us struggle with lying. Some struggle with stealing, some struggle with addiction or addictive behavior. Some struggle with much harder things. Those who want to hurt others, murder, rape. There are those who struggle sexually, homosexuality, bestiality, pedophilia, etc.
In this nation, we, as a whole, have accepted homosexuality as an orientation one is born with or ‘as’ and not a lifestyle choice. Or, ‘God made me this way’ so we should be okay with it rather than viewing it as something that we must overcome. It’s one of those morally wrong things that – legally – is normal or okay. (There are others, but hang in there and travel with me in this thought process…)
I’ve said – for a long time – that when we give way to “God made me this way, so it’s okay.” it opens up a huge can of worms because, soon, it’s going to be followed with other things one is born with, or ‘as’.
God made us all the same, aside from male and female. Anything else is what the Deceiver has burdened us with – that we must overcome. It’s much harder for some of us than others…
So, soon we are going to be faced with other things people are born ‘as’. (Maybe not in our lifetime, but it’s coming.) This is a huge problem because what follows closely after homosexuality is pedophilia.
If you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not. There are studies suggesting it is an orientation and movements fighting for them to be recognized and legalized as such.
The argument, from those who are pro-homosexuality, but -obviously- not okay with the pedophilia movement, is “But two consenting adults is not hurting anyone.” They insist that a child cannot consent to sexual contact or a sexual encounter and therefor, it can never be legal. This has always made sense to me, but still – there in the back of my mind – I’ve thought that somehow, some way, it’s going to come to the forefront of the fight and no longer be in the back alleys or the proverbial ‘bath houses’ as homosexuality was in the 80s.
So, then I come across the above mentioned article about the transgendered little girl and the video her parents made of ‘her’ conversion to ‘him’. My initial thoughts, mentioned above, gave way to something FAR more scary.
If a child is able to ‘consent’ to ‘becoming’ the opposite sex, what says they can’t ‘consent’ to ‘having’ sex?
If we’re supposed to give the child what they want when they say they want to be the opposite sex, what stops a pedophile from giving a child what they say they want – or – at least claiming that’s what they want…?
And what about 14, 15, or 16 year olds? Why do we not give them what they want? A 6 year old can insist she is a boy and, as parents, we’re commended for honoring her wishes by allowing her to become/live as a boy. But when our 15 year old daughter insists she willingly had sex with her 20 year old boyfriend, we’re horrible parents for not having him arrested.
I don’t mean to make this sound glib. If I am, I apologize, but where do we draw the line?
As parents we are there to guide, shape and mold our children. We’re there to show them how to live, be, act and function in society. If we are women, we’re supposed to show our daughter what that means and men are supposed to show their sons. Women are also supposed to show their sons what womanhood means and vice versa for dads.
We’re not supposed to let our children always have their way. When we do, people say we spoil our children, or we’re bad parents. We’re supposed to know which things a child can decide and which they can’t. You pick your battles. The minor ones, you let go. The major ones, you hold your ground. It’s your job as the ADULT.
Once they are grown and leave your home, you hope – no pray – you did your best, but THEN is when they get to decide. Until then, you decide for them – no matter how much they hate you. No matter how much they don’t understand why they’re burdened with whatever it is burdening them (this week). You stand your ground.
It’s your job. Period.