Armed Southern Girl vs Unwelcomed Guest

Another previously shared story on *Clean* Funny Pics that I'm moving over...

Last night, in my home:

The boys and I (as well as the dog) were in my room playing video games on our Wii. We were to be alone for the evening as my husband had commitments that would keep him out for the night, so I bought us a couple new video games to play.

We’re all sitting – comfy – on my bed, playing Rayman Origins – though I was sort of along for the ride more so than actually ‘playing’, when I see something move out of the corner of my eye. Brinson and I both saw it. We both jumped up on the bed. I was already on the bed, but I quickly went from a sitting position, on the bed,  to standing on the bed position.

Harrison – “What?!” *As he jumps up onto the table – because everyone else was did*

Brinson – “Was that a cockroach?!”

Me – “My goodness I hope not. I hope it was a rat. No cockroach should be that big.”

*We’re all standing on furniture in my bedroom*

Harrison – “Sooooo…. we just gonna stand here?”

Normally, we all stand there and wait for Tom, my husband and official “Cockroach Hunter” to come and save us, but he wasn’t home at the time.

Me – “Well, what else are we going to do?”

Brinson – “Shoot it!”

Me – “Yeah! Get my pistol! … No. Don’t. I was kidding… Hey, wait….!”

*Go into the other room, (by stepping from bed, to chair, to table to outside the door), grab my Red Rider BB gun from the other room, come back in the room, going from table to the chair, call Tom*

969680 484258181659162 619986374 n Armed Southern Girl vs Uninvited GuestTom – “Yes?” (How he answers the phone)

Me – “How bad would it mess up the floors or wall if I shot a BB gun in the house?”

Tom – “You’re planning on shooting the BB gun in the house?”

Me – “Yes”

Tom – “I assume there’s a cockroach…?”

Me – “A cockroach? You don’t know the half of it. It’s the cockroach from hell. It makes the cockroach that ate Cincinnati look like a booger. It’s ginormous!”

Tom – “Why can’t you just get a shoe and smash it?”

Me- “Are you serious? I’m not getting that close to it. That’s crazy talk.”

Tom – *Laughing* – “Oh, and shooting it with a BB gun isn’t?”

Me – “No. Shooting it with a BB gun is an appropriate response. Seriously. It’s chillin’ in my room. At the moment, it’s doing its hair. I don’t plan on letting it finish.”

Tom – *Laughing through his words* “Honey, did you pump the BB gun?”

Me – “Yes.”

Tom – “How many times?”

Me – “Like 6 or 8.”

Tom – “Okay, yes. That will mess up the walls or floor.”

Me – “Fine. I’ll discharge this one into the box of tissues and then just pump twice for the cockroach.”

Tom – “Why the tissues? Why not discharge it outside?”

Me – “Uhm. No. That would require putting my feet down on the floor and that ain’t happening.”

Tom – “Wait, where are the boys?”

Me – “In the other room getting goggles. I don’t want to shoot our eyes out.”

Tom laughed and sighed at the same time. A sigh that I’ve grown accustomed to hearing after years of marriage when I propose my -half witted- ideas* He says “Go ahead and shoot the cockroach.”

Me – “Thank you.”

Here’s how it stands…

Three shots from the BB gun

  • Everyone still has their eyes
  • No one is bleeding (Unless cockroaches bleed)
  • There’s one dead trashcan (I discharged the 8 pump shot into it)
  • One dead spider (collateral damage)
  • One cockroach with three less legs than it had previously

Harrison spent the entire night on the table with his feet in the chair playing the video game. Brinson sat with me on the bed and helped listen for a cockroach with a limp. (It’s a very distinctive sound)

I sat – most of the night, poised, with BB gun in hand waiting to END HIM.

One thought on “Armed Southern Girl vs Unwelcomed Guest”

  1. AND…??? What happened? Did you ever find him? Or is he like Captain Hook…maimed and wanting vengeance for his lost appendages?


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